What are the values? And you might ask me how on earth it is linked with a person’s
character? Well, values are basically the roots of character. But before we
dive into that conversation, let’s understand what are values or morals first.
In simple worlds, values are a set of beliefs or principles that people hold on
to. It can be logical or illogical, religious or non-religious, ethical or
unethical. It varies from person to person. For example, not cheating on any
examination can be a value that a student has. It is an ethical value. But on
the other hand, a student can also have a belief that cheating on examination
is not a bad or immoral thing to do, there worse things happening in the world.
This belief will cause him to cheat on his or her exams without even being
guilty for it. So, values are seed for people’s actions.
Primary
values come from parents. Like religion, language, basic etiquette and manners
are the things that are taught by parents. Usually, a kid of Muslim parents
remains Muslim till he’s old enough to make his own decision. Kids love to
imitate others, especially their parents. So basically, kids become the primary
version of parents. Therefore, parents play a very important role in this
regard. Whatever they teach their kids,
it’s going to be stay with them till death. A high value man will teach his kid
to have standard values.
For instance, I consider my father as a high
value man. I still hold on to his teachings. I gave an example of cheating in
examination. When I was in class seven, I was very spoiled and let’s just say
no one would use me as an example of an ideal kid. I was having my final exams
at that time. In the mid-term I somehow managed to survive in every subject
except mathematics. So, I was haunted by this mid-term’s result. I was also terrified of the final examination.
It made me nervous and I lost my confidence in myself. The closer the math exam
came the more terrified I became. I remember at one point I cried praying
because I was afraid what might happen if I can’t attain satisfying marks. So,
you get the idea of how much of a nerd and loser I was. Then around two days
before my mathematics exam, my friend Jyoti called and told me that he had the
papers for math exam. You see, Jyoti is my math professor’s only son. So, he
knew all the questions. My happiness knew no bound. I was so excited and all my
tensions regarding the exam went away. I couldn’t wait to get my hands on those
papers. Jyoti asked me to meet him at the park in the afternoon. I was talking
very loudly from excitement. After I cut the call, I was lying on my bed and
thinking I would solve the question I get from Jyoti three times tonight.
Therefore, I will also remember the answers. It was a Friday. So, my father was
home. Suddenly, he shouted “Tahmid!
Come here!”. So, I went to his room. He told me to sit down and he gave me ice
cream. So far, my day was going great. We were talking about cricket and all.
Then my father asked me which exam I have next and I answered him “Math”. Then
he wished me good luck and went to bed. But as I was leaving, he said, “Son,
it’s not your results that I see. It’s your efforts. It’s better to be a
failure on your own than to be successful for someone else’s favor.” At that
moment, I realized he overheard me talking on the phone and it also hit me that
my father never asked me about my marks and my results. He was always concerned
how much did I study for a particular exam. He always had interest in my
efforts rather than my results. Iwent to my
room again. Lying on the bed. It was afternoon. Still in my room. I never went
to the park that day. Instead, I studied like hell. I practiced every type of
math there was and had a good preparation. Then on the exam day, I went to my
school and met Jyoti. He asked why I didn’t show up on Friday. I told him I got
stuck at home. He was very confident about the exam saying he solved that paper
four times. I wished him good luck. The exam started. The question was hard but
fortunately I had practiced these kinds of math. I answered the whole question.
I was very satisfied with my performance. After the exam, I saw Jyoti. He was
somehow surprised and seemed devastated. I asked how his exam was. He said the
authorities changed the question paper. They didn’t give the set that his
father worked on. They went with different set this time. Therefore, he
couldn’t even answer passing marks
I was saved
by my father. Because of the values he held and the values he taught me. From
that day, I have never even cheated on any examination ever again. Because, to
my father, it’s my efforts that count, not results.
My father is
my role model. He’s the one guy I look up to. He taught me everything in life
from tying my shoe laces to being a family man. My father is an honest man. He
never touched a drink in his life let alone smoke cigarettes. Therefore, even
though most of my friends tried to pursue me in this path, they were never
successful. My father respected my mother very much. Once my parents were
having an argument over something. Me and my brother went to their room to see
what’s happening. The argument escalated and my father shouted at mom loudly.
My mother started crying. Dad then saw us in the corner of the room. He left
the apartment. He came back after 3 hours. In the evening, my dad called us
brothers to his room and he said, “I disrespected your mom in front of you
guys, so I’ll apologize to her in front of you guys as well. Me and my brother
were shocked. My father respects my mother a lot. How to treat women and how to
respect them are the things that only a father can teach his kids. The
relationship that my parents have is one in a million. He loves and respects
his wife so much. My mother is treated like a queen in my home. Therefore, I am
never even able to talk rudely with any women. I am always respectful towards
them. I hope my relationship with my better half be at least half a
relationship of my parents.
My mother also taught us uncountable things.
She’s a great mother. Always thinking of her kids first than herself. But she
was strict too when I was young. Whenever a guest came over (specially the
annoying ones) I used to lock up my room and stay there till they left. But my
mom used to burst in to my room and made me go to the guests and treat them
nicely. Therefore, I learned how to treat guests nicely. I have never been able
to be rude to anybody because of my mom. Once, there was a girl (around 4 years
older than me) living in my home helping my mom with house stuffs. Basically,
she was a servant. Her name was Rozina. One day, I came back home and couldn’t
find my earphones. I knew she stole it. As I went to confront her, I was
shouting a lot and completely lost my mind. I really said some stupid stuffs to
her. Demeaning her in many ways because she was a servant. My mother heard that
and came and literally slapped me in the face. She locked me up in my room and
I was grounded for 2 days without my
playstation. Even my mom knew that Rozina stole my earphones, still she refused
to allow any kind of classless dispute in our home. My earphones were retrieved
and she was fired. But my mom said I was wrong to do so. Even if she was a
thief, she was older than me and I should’ve gone directly to my mother instead
of shouting at her. After that, I never ever disrespected anyone older than me.
I’ve always been respectful towards them. My mother also hated lies very much.
She couldn’t stand them. No matter what I do, even if it’s my fault, she
expects me to say the truth always. Lies aren’t allowed in our house.
Therefore, I’ve never been able to lie to anyone ever. So, these basic
etiquette and manners are learned from parents. They’re the foundation on which
a man’s character is built. Therefore, parents should be careful about what
they teach their children and all.
Siblings
also play a very significant role in this regard. Having each other’s back in
the moment of crisis is the most important thing in brotherhood. Siblings teach
each other the concept of brotherhood. Siblings fight, quarrel, compete with
each other, sometimes can’t stand each other but at the end of the day they
remain together. They’re blood. So, loyalty to brother or sister is not a
choice. It’s a must. Me and my siblings have always got each other’s back when
mom or dad gets mad. So, they teach us loyalty which proved to be a very
important attribute when I became an adult. Loyalty to your work, to your word,
to your spouse, to your kids, to your family are the most important things in
life. Even gangsters are loyal to their work and their members. They’re loyal
to their word too. It’s a question of honor. “I’ll always have my comrade’s
back” is the value which is the foundation of loyalty.
Values shape
an individual’s character and ethics. Values are served as the foundation upon
which character is constructed. Honesty becomes an important factor in one’s
character which leads to honest actions and intentions if honesty highly
valued. Moreover, at the time of facing with moral dilemmas or choices people
often rely on their values to guide their decisions. Without these values people would fall into
the state of their feelings in order to decide something for themselves. But
feelings change. Something which seems okay or enjoyable might not be the same
after 2 days. So, relying on feelings about life’s important decision is a
dangerous game. It doesn’t matter how you feel. You have to do what’s right. If
the soldiers start to said, “I’m not feeling that well. I won’t go into the
battle and fight for my country” then we would be doomed. Because it is a
matter of out national security. It doesn’t matter how he feels or thinks he
became a soldier in order to protect his country and his nation. And he must do
his duty and defend his country at the moment of actual danger because he took
an oath to protect his country. Here comes the value of being a man of his
word. Someone who’s a man of his word, he knows that promises worth more than
people’s lives. Otherwise giving promises or a man’s word won’t mean anything
anymore. Therefore, a soldier who is true to his word will never abandon his
post or flinch where a coward who doesn’t possess this value will run in the
time of danger.
Although
values are not static. It changes with time and experience. A value
which was important in a man’s childhood might not be significant enough
anymore when he’s an adult. People change their principles through time and
experience. Therefore, their actions change as well which defines their
character. So basically, values should be protected and taken care of.
In conclusion, values are basically principles that
influence people’s behavior, decisions and interaction with others. Positive
values such as honesty, integrity, compassion and responsibility allow people
to implement these attributes in to their characters as well. Over time,
practicing these values regularly reinforces positive behaviors and fosters a
sense of moral integrity which contributes to the development of strong and
principled character.
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